The dreams of a child..

I made a list around seven years old.

I remember making this list several times in my life.

In fact, I still make this list today sometimes.

I found a copy of this list in one of my organizing system’s drawers this afternoon.

I was amused, and quite impressed. I was a very deep-thinking child.

But as I looked at this list I thought it was interesting how similar my view is now.

The list was a list of qualities my “dream guy” would have, and ideally, will have.

25 items were on this list, and to this day, this guy I described seems pretty incredible, but hard to find.

Maybe I was too vague with my list as a child. Or maybe my ‘standards’ have remained pretty high this whole time. I was always told to keep high standards and not to “settle,” and I don’t intend to.

I also thought that it was interesting that all of the items on that list have remained high priority in my heart, but they have also matured along with me.

It’s almost as if our childhood dreams and desires grow old with us.

Is it worth the downs?

I hate how I get carried away.
My heart takes the lead and my head loses its footing and is dragged along.
I dont see the point.
Am I supposed to learn from this? So far its been heartaches and heartbreaks right after another. I don’t see the lesson in it.
Is there a lesson in heartbreak? Is there a lesson in sadness? Is there a lesson at all?

It physically hurts…

And here I thought I was separating myself better! I thought I was finally handling my emotions like I should! Apparently I got caught up in my own lie.

It makes me mad at myself, for being so stupid as to think there could be a chance.

It makes me feel embarrassed to be me regarding these things. I get eager and excited only to be met with heartache.  I hope, only to be let down. I feel better about myself, only to let myself down again.

Again, where is the lesson in it all?

Where does it stop?