Loneliness

It’s been a while, I know.. my apologies. My life has gotten quite hectic in recent weeks.

An update!

My mom is cancer free, but now she is going through radiation treatments and the like.

I started my official sophomore year in college, although in all technicalities, I’ll be a junior in the spring. I also have already finished an art minor!

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Now, onto the actual post…

I’m in a different, and somewhat difficult season in life right now. Perhaps you are there with me, or you have been there before.

So basically, I feel alone in many situations. I feel alone in my problems, my relationships, my future, my choices, even in my personality… like no one understands me. Like no one cares. So I’m left either isolating myself in the ocean, or simply believing an illusion that has been presented to me, or that I have invented.

Even though I know I’m not alone, it’s still the feeling that takes over. I don’t understand it, and I don’t expect that I should yet. It causes tensions in my relationships with people, and it makes for a very difficult time because I often feel that either no one would care about my problems, or that I would be a burden somehow. I know that’s not really true.. I’ve had my friends remind me of that, but I can’t shake that feeling for some reason. What’s funny about it is that I know I’m really not even alone in this feeling. A few of my closest friends are going through the same season.

There’s me. There’s God. There’s my family. There’s my friends.

I feel disconnected from them all in different ways. I have a mental picture of myself  scrambling around on the ground, grabbing at passers-by’s heels to try to fix this. It’s pathetic, I know.

Maybe this is Satan messing with my mind, maybe it’s just circumstance, maybe I’m missing something.

I just know that what I feel doesn’t reflect the truth.

I have friends who would drop everything to extend a hand to me. My family would do anything for me. I know this because I would do the same for any of them.

God already does everything out of his unfathomable love for me. I know this is true because I see the proof of it everywhere. His love surrounds every one of us. It dwells within us.

I don’t have good advice about how to handle this season, because I can’t even help myself through it. All I can do is press onward and trust God through it. I know he’s up to something…