I had a tender moment…

Today, I was reminded of why I do so much for people most of the time…

I had been questioning my effectiveness a lot lately.. how much am I actually doing?…There has to be something more that I have to do.. I feel unproductive and like I’m not getting where I’m supposed to be. Why do I do certain things for people? How the heck am I still going after everything that’s happened in my life? How am I capable? What more should I do?

But then I had a realization…

At the beginning of the summer, we all were expecting nice trips and vacations and parties and projects all over the place. Our typical summers, except that we finally wanted to take a vacation or two and go somewhere special and completely relaxing.

Then,  in May.. my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

The bomb was dropped.

We were all devastated for a while, everything was hectic and terrifying most of the time. As time went on, though, we found a great treatment center who knew exactly what they were doing and things are going much more smoothly now.

We never had a chance to take all of those trips to places we’ve never been or try many new things, though. We had family trips and my parents had treatment trips. That was it.

All through this time we had all been working very hard to help out and get things done. I had a lot going on in my friends’ lives, so I was trying to be there for them while taking care of my mom and supporting the rest of my family, as well as attempting to balance several projects and events, and figure out the next year of my college career.

Needless to say, I haven’t truly relaxed much in months. I have been exhausted. I have been near the end of my fuse. I have been restless and stressed. I have been questioning my abilities and how much I could handle.

Today was when it hit me…

I was helping my mom get things together for a doctor’s appointment and a trip this afternoon. I helped her put her head scarf on and  as i was doing that, she thanked me for all that I’ve been doing for her. She said this summer was supposed to be a summer vacation for me, but that I’ve worked so hard instead. I kissed her on the head and adjusted the scarf.
She said she loves me, I told her I love her too, and I said that this is why I do all of this.

That single moment changed my doubts and concern about what I was doing.

I do it all because of the Love that God has placed in my heart and filled my life with.. I do it because I care, and I’m needed.  I do it because it’s why I’m here. I may complain and get stressed out sometimes, but tender moments like I had with my mom remind me of the purpose of our sacrifices.

We sacrifice our time, energy, and health for other people because we are capable of having so much love to spread out to others.

God made us capable. He fills our hearts with unfailing Love, and we pour it into other people’s lives.

Keep in mind your purpose today.

Keep in mind God’s command.

That we Love others.

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Open My Eyes

A Girl Like Me

The moment right before I wake is my favorite part of the day. No phone calls to make, emails to respond to. There are no little ones clamoring for my attention or breakfast to be made or bills to pay or laundry to fold.

The world is still at peace.

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As soon as I open my eyes, I am immediately flooded with all the things the previous days have left me with. A friend grieving over losing a parent way too soon. A brother and sister in law fighting to claim joy in the midst of a deep valley. Another friend aching to have a child fill her womb and the anxiousness of not knowing if it has happened yet.

Opening my eyes means opening myself up to the chaos this world can lend. 

Of course there are my own battles I wake up to as well. Will I fail as…

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Undeserving…

I feel so undeserving.

Which is why I know that this is all a gift.

A gift to show God’s love and joys in my life.

Which I do not deserve.

I am a sinner.
I constantly fall back on my sins and my insecurities.
In some twisted way, I find my comfort in them.
But not in the One who saves me?

God formed the friendships and relationships that I have.
As a gift, to show His love to me.

Through them.
Through the people that He has placed in my life.

I feel that I have little of worth to give them.

But I know that I was also placed in their lives by God.
I hope that through me, His love flows into their lives.
I hope that I never think it’s something I’ve done.

I know for a fact, that God put it all together.

I tear up, thinking about all the solemn moments shared.

I laugh, at the memories of our happiest days.

I’m grateful for the gift that has been placed in my life.

 

The gift of God’s love.

Weakling..

We are weak.
We are sinners.
We fail.
Constantly.

…But guess what? It doesn’t end there…

Just like Abraham, Noah, Samson, David, the prophets, and countless other “greats”, We are made strong by our faith in Christ, and only through that. (Hebrews 10 and 11)

So yes, we will fail time and time again, but guess what else? God has us, and He has already forgiven us, so we don’t have to live in fear.

And yes, we are weaklings. We can’t do it all ourselves.. We aren’t supposed to. Through our struggles and pain, God strengthens us by our faith in Him, and He shines through our weaknesses. (2nd Corinthians 12)

He wants us to turn to Him when everything falls apart, because He is the only thing left standing in our lives. He designed it that way. He allows bad things to happen, even sin, so that we can learn, and grow, and return to him wholeheartedly, because He is the only comfort in our time of need. He is the only way to find peace. He is the only way to find Love.

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Hebrews 10:32 — Remember those days in the past when you first learned the truth. You had a hard struggle with many sufferings, but you continued strong.

Hebrews 11:34 — …They stopped great fires and were saved from being killed with swords. They were weak, and yet were made strong. They were powerful in battle and defeated other armies.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 — But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Midnight battles…

When you are alone..
It’s past midnight..
Not only are you tired, but you are cold, and everything looks dark.
All you feel in your heart is pain, isolation, guilt, temptation, regret, and longing.
When you hear the lies inside your mind…
Saying you’re not enough…
Saying you’ll never make it through…
Saying you are a lost cause…
Saying to give up…
Saying God’s abandoned you…
Saying God’s not enough…

When it seems like it’s over…
There is no one there…
No one cares…
No one ever will care…
There is no chance…
There is no hope…

It is minutes, perhaps hours later…

It’s a message,  a call, a verse, a song…
Which shatters all of the doubt, pain, and temptation in an instant.

It all falls away.

Peace flows into your heart.

Everything looks brighter and feels warmer.

That is God’s love finding you at your worst.

When it all falls away, You see God.

God is love.

Hey There Lonely Girl

Brought tears to my eyes. Many nights I’ve spent like this. God has been with me through it all and he knows more than I ever think to say. I don’t have to say it.. he feels it.

He is love.

A Girl Like Me

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Hey There Lonely Girl,

On some park bench in the middle of the day, there you sit. You see everything and everyone around you, and you wonder, do they see you back. These vacant benches and quiet spaces have become like an old comfy shirt to your weary and broken soul.

For to be seen, is to be known. 

Sitting in secluded corners sipping coffee, you look like you’re waiting for a friend to arrive, but you know that’s not the case. You seem confident in the loneliness, almost as though you prefer the solace. No one can see, however,  that silently your heart is screaming for someone, anyone to notice you. To come into your pain. To make you…not so lonely.
Coffee Shop Girl

Fear of your destiny to forever be abandoned, excluded, denied, rejected, and forgotten sweep over your already tired soul and you just cant imagine how this life could ever…

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The one about testimonies..

So you say you don’t have a testimony…

Dear… your life is a testimony.

Everything about you… is a testimony about God.

Your tears… God works through them.

Your laugh… God rejoices.

Your smile… God’s love shines through.

Your heart… God shows the world His love through it.

…There is something about your eyes… the subtle way they seem to sparkle…

The way your face forms around them in joy,  pain, and love… something about them shows us God’s face.

Every painful part of your life…  God’s mercy and grace is lavished upon you.

Every wonderful experience… God’s goodness is proven.

You, love, are a testimony to who God is and what He can do in us.